Fake

August 22nd 2010

Getting use to this new facebook notes format. It's a lot more convenient I guess. What I really wanted to talk about was something that just appeared into my mind kind of like a misty shadow of the past hidden behind a fog of distraction. Those moments when you remember a moment where it was sweet yet bitter, well it didn't seem bitter at the moment but once you have gained knowledge of what was truly the right thing to do at that certain moment then it becomes quiet obvious and you feel dumb founded. You realize what's fake and what's real. I swear the youth need to be more seeing and not likened to a bat at day time. What the future holds probably will be smarter kids... hopefully they're to gain maturity as fast as their knowledge as well. So many things in this world that a child can be exposed to and it can change their lives. It's quiet powerful indeed. I really haven't explained why the topic is titled so. Fakes: whether it be relationships (which is what I thought of from my past), people (don't even get me started it would fill up another page of notes and then some), purses (haha I'm jk but seriously knock-offs can sometimes be degrading literally), emotions, smiles, laughs, etc. To distinguish such is quiet a wonderful gift. Now why mention the following above when it doesn't seem to make any relevance to what is fake. Well, my brain works that way, like flash backs, and picturing images in my head as I type and no it doesn't make sense to a lot of people but to those do make sense of it. Congratulations you've figured out one of the hardest things to figure out about me. That no one has ever been able to figure out. I hope I entertained you, puzzled you, or even enlightened you with my vast vocabulary. Just remember to never fall for fakes. The word fake doesn't even at all sound attractive. HA.

-Claire.

Hiding

August 21st 2010

I haven't wrote a note in a while but hi there. I've been contemplating on life, the future, education, and personal things. One thing that I've noticed is that I don't like hiding. Whether it be things, secrets, or experiences. I mean sure there are things you keep on lock and keys, I surely understand that. But things that don't seem right to you or completely indescribably wrong to you it's kind of hard to keep your mouth shut when you're stuck with something that you don't want but can't kick out or tell anyone about it. The fact of the matter is it's really getting to me. Seriously without a doubt it's gotten to me. But letting it roll of your back or dusting it off my shoulders isn't really helping. School adds more stress, thus making me even more vulnerable to the current situation. It's like hiding a monster, it's slowly consuming you, eating you alive. (metaphorically speaking of course) I wish that I could just run away never to look back or go back. But you realize why you're in the situation in the first place. Then you regret why you even hid such thing. Then you break down into a mentally unstable emotional cry. Yes, the fact is you should just not hide anything that you do not like.

-Claire

LJCHS: First Day

August 10th 2010

So I wake up to Joey literally yelling in my ear telling me to wake up even though I set the alarm clock to 5:25. He woke me up at 5 o'clock. Just straight up 5 o'clock. (WTF JOEY!) Since I could no longer fall asleep again I decided it would be better to just wake up, since I'm just going to wake up anyways. This is probably the most earliest I have ever had to wake up for school and it can't even emphasize how much more it sucks to be waking up this early.

So I got ready I ate breakfast, I took a shower, then I got changed, then I did my make-up, did my hair. Then boom out the door. That was like all in a matter of 1 hour and 30 minutes or something... I had a choice to have skipped breakfast and had it at school but I knew that I didn't have time since I was to go to registration like right away.

We started our walks out to the bus stop oh my gosh it felt great cause it wasn't too hot or too cold. It was perfect. We got to out bus stop and some kids were already there. Then we waited and it was literally 7 already when our bus came, it was late.

I swear to... I can't really swear but I swear to freaken yum-yum (my orange piggy bank) that there are seriously not a lot of skinny girls at this school! I mean there are some... but I didn't see in between girls You're either skinny or fat. There was no in between... I was like are you serious? I don't mean to be harsh but it was the fact of what I was seeing walking around here.

When I got to the lecture hall to get my papers I only had to wait a little bit so it's okay. On the other hand Aj Dizon she was in the same room as me and I didn't even see her... she's like a ninja I swear. haha.

When I went out after having received my schedule. Walked to my first class, Biology... alright biology blah blah biology goes smoothly

Then keyboarding... it's soo boring.

Then Intro to culinary probably one of my most favorite classes because I love love love to cook. No joke.

Then lunch sat all by myself but I talked to my honey so I didn't feel as lonely. :) I didn't finish my spicy chicken sammiche so I stuffed it into my bag! haha. (chicken sammiche will make a debut later into the story.)

Then I went to AP European History. ahh this class. I love my teacher but the thing is that when he told people what do you think when I say asian and someone said chinky eyes I have to stand up for my fellow asians so I said, " Oh that's funny cause I'm asian." and everyone was like OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Not a very good first impression of my history class but hey at least my teacher is pretty awesome.

After History is Advanced Geometry. Eh nothing special here either.

Lastly my favorite subject Advanced Sophomore English... oh yes. My teacher is pretty cool here too. He's from chicago which makes him even more cooler than he was before I knew that.

Then the bell rang people rushed out the doors to the scorching hot arizona heat and walked tiredly to the buses. As I walked I recalled and smelled my chicken sammiche and I ate it while me and Joey walked happily to the bus. mmm. that was a good sammiche.

haha anyways I hoped you liked my perspective of how my day went? haha. ;p

OCPD

August 4th 2010

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Is something that I have recently researched on through the web. Now within the past few years I've been noticing some behaviors of mine which somewhat fits into the description of some symptoms of OCD then I read on to find out about OCPD which I fit better into the description... a little too well.

An acquisition that I wish not to have added onto my personality or worse my traits. It use to be not as bad as it is now, I use to not yell or violently react to someone who puts things out of order the way I want it. When something is out of place yeah it bothers me, but sometimes I can't get to it. OCD says the most of the people are clean. OCPD states that the person can be fixated on something that they forget about everything else only some OCPD people are really clean. I am a very clean person but I distracted with other things. I become obsessively linked onto that thing or whatever it may be that my room can become a mess. When I realize it, it adds on to my anxiety. I don't like surprises nor do I like the phrase I have to talk to you about something or anything that gets me anxious.

No, I'm not diagnosed I'd rather not be. But I have researched and looked into it enough that I am in fact what it states. Again I just rechecked, it's something that I absolutely don't like thinking about but it fits.

I think I will keep a log or something or just to let myself come into realization of it not to make me feel more worse but just to try to train myself. Correct myself. If that at all is possible...

Being a Girl & Dealing about it.

FREAKEN A man. It's 8:10 in the morning I should be sleeping now but no. "Aunt Flow" is not allowing me to do that... why? Because the fact that she's here for a week and is giving me cramps like non-stop. Being a girl is difficult, all the stuff you have to go through especially during puberty can be really tough on a girl. Girls in general are vulnerable when they are at this stage, they become confused and sometimes incoherent of themselves and their surroundings. When a girl reaches women hood then she's no longer vulnerable but she's strong and is capable of doing what she wants. The thing is "Aunt Flow" is still there every month to still haunt her... but obviously she's more prepared, now-a-days they've invented birth control you can take it then not have to deal with your aunt as frequently as you usually would.

You might be asking, Why Claire are you rambling about this? It is because if you didn't catch on it is because I am on my period just to make it short but not so sweet. I want to magically make it go away so I wouldn't have to lose blood and make myself tired. But GOD created a women to do that, so she can be fertile.

For those girls or women who are infertile meaning they can't have children <- I shouldn't be complaining since I should be grateful to have children of my own I guess.

Oh a lighter note girls out there who are feeling dreary or just unhappy with it, just take some midol and have your pad and tampons with you and sweety you'll be alright. :)

Good luck and much love. :)

100 (truthful) Potatoes.

Friday, July 30, 2010 at 11:56pm

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged.

I was tagged a few times already dang I didn't save it the last time I did this so I have to start over! grrr.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: Water with a slice of lemon
2. Last phone call: Noel
3. Last text message: Noel
4. Last song you listened to: Don't Unplug Me by All Caps
5. Last time you cried: Pasalamat

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yes
7. Been cheated on: Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: Never in my entire life would I ever do that.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Orange
13. Black
13. Red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: Yes :)
16. Fallen out of love: No
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, those butt holes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them
23. How many kids do you want: 1 or 2.
24. Do you have any pets: Berry and Boot
25. Do you want to change your name: No, I love my name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Ate a starbucks sammich it was pretty good.
27. What time did you wake up today: 9 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Judgement Day
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Now
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing, everything happens for a reason, I don't wish to change anything if it's meant to be.
32. What are you listening to right now: Joey talking, my clock ticking, and the clicks of my fingers as they hit the keys on the keyboard.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: Hormones
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook & Youtube
36. Whats your real name: What is stated on my page
37. Nicknames: Claire Bear
38. Relationship Status: In a relationship/engaged
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpios (Scorpios are pretty sexy)
40. Male or female: female, I don't think that's ever going to change idk why it's under 2010...
41. Primary School: Cherish Chinese/Catholic Private School. Woodland Elementary, Spaulding Elementary.
42. Secondary School: Woodland Middle School, St Anastasia Catholic School, Woodland Middle School.
43. High school/college: Warren Township High School, San Tan Foothills High School.
45. Long or short: ?
46. Height: 5'4
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Noel
48. What do you like about yourself: I like myself in general.
49. Piercings: 5
50. Tattoos: none
51. Righty or lefty: Right Handed, though I want to be ambidextrous meaning you can write with both hands with equal strength. My dad was ambidextrous he could even use chop sticks with both hands. I just think it's so cool to be able to do that.

FIRSTS:
52. First surgery: I don't think I've had sugery
53. First piercing: Ears
54. First best friend: Her name was Cheryl
55. First sport you joined: softball or soccer?
56. First vacation: The beaches in Cebu, oh my gosh it's so beautiful there...
58. First pair of trainers: ?


RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: Nothing
60. Drinking: Water with Lemon
61. I'm about to: Rest
62. Listening to: Clock ticking.
63. Waiting for: Myself to pass out of tiredness, so far it's not happened.

YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids: Of course
65. Get married: Yes
66. Career: For the future: Physical Therapist, Culinary Artist, Photographer, Something to do with literature (journalism?), Free-lance artist. Current Job: Youtuber (for life)

WHICH IS BETTER:
67. Lips or eyes: Both, you need to have sexy eyes and nice pillowy, soft lips.
68. Hugs or kisses: Teddy bear hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: I don't care.
70. Older or Younger: The older the more mature, younger people with old souls is my favorite kind of youth. They seem older than they really are.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: hmm
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both, it's better to be lean all over then be lazy in the certain area.
73. Sensitive or loud: Loudness gives me migranes.
74. Hook-up or relationship: hook-ups are gay.

HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Kissed a stranger: No.
77. Drank hard liquor: Yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts: contacts
79. Sex on first date: That's stupid, no.
80. Broken someone's heart: Yes
82. Been arrested: No
83. Turned someone down: Yes
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Yes, I do doubt myself occasionally.
87. Miracles: Sure
88. Love at first sight: No
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: Pagan Believe
91. Kiss on the first date: hmm. I'm not easy.
92. Angels: = Messengers. Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No
95. Did you sing today: Yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody: No
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: I would go back to when GOD created the heavens and the earth and be invisible and just live to see all the people from back then in history.
98. The moment you would choose to re-live: All the happy moments that life gives us.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: No, I don't keep that wall/shield in front of me.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: Shoot, I'm posting this as 100 potatoes.

Killing

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 10:31pm

No no no. Not at all literal killing. I mean just killing in a metaphoric way. Not necessarily referring to anyone in particular. But why do people choose to do this? They harass people and make them angry to the point where they do something horrible because they become uncontrollable with rage. Then the person who has caused a lot on this person just decides to go and report them or commercialize their wrong doings...

Let's break this down... Person A the innocent. Person B the harasser. If you were put in that certain scenario (pretend you are person A), wouldn't you be pissed? Person B should apologize and not make things worse for Person A. Person A, probably would not let this go for a long time because of the thought of Person B, the selfishness, the "pleasure" it gives them to hurt others? wow. It really does seem that way. You're practically killing Person A. why? cause that act is an act of hate. If you hates Person A and he/she didn't do anything wrong to you, that there is an act or murder, Killing.

Why would you Person B, set your mind to even think like that? Do you think you have control over everyone? Do you think you're the boss? Are you merely jealous? It sounds to me you're all of the above. Some spoiled brat that didn't learn enough from the teachings you've been taught and received since childhood. I don't want to assume anymore, you need to tell Person A. That things are going wrong in your head or whatever the reason so you have somewhat of a stupid reason to be even doing things like that to another person.

Point is that if you were ever once a Person B, you need to really say sorry and mean it to Person A. Don't ever do that to them ever again. It hurts and it lives with you for a long time. Imagine that happening to you. Your life pretty much up in smokes and it feels like you have nothing left but yourself...

Just bare in mind that what goes around comes around and Person B it will come around to you. Karma baby. That's what it is.

Good Karma. Vs. Bad Karma.

I think you'd like Good Karma better.

Person B I think you have a lot to think about, think deeply in your thoughts, in yourself, and in your heart. You will find that solution that will help you be a better person.

Nevertheless don't forget about GOD he will help you a long the way.

Have a great day.

Your goals, dreams, and the future.

Friday, July 23, 2010 at 6:00pm

So a bit of a sympathetic rant going on here... Just one question really that is... How much would you work for to get what you want? Your dreams, your aspirations? Haven't you stepped back and taken a look and asked yourself, "Is this really all worth it?" Working so hard that you feel like you're just going to fall over right after you've taken another step?

I was just watching at how a certain person behaved... it seems that they would do anything just to get what they wanted... even do all the dirty work! (nothing too dirty I promise) But it seems she's got some motivation behind it like she's going to die in a year and she just wants to experience the feeling of having something... or being something... et cetera.

I personally would just hire some people if there's other/more intensive work to be done that I can't do all by my lonely self... If it's worth investing the money on hiring people then so be it. That's just my opinion, I think I've acquired the sense of not my cheap filipino people... I feel somehow white washed for being so... not cheap. HAHA if you get what I mean!

So if you have a dream or aspirations then I say go for it. But don't necessary go through it with a short cut cause you never know what maybe on the short road, it's not all glamorous as you would think. Take it easy, sip your glass of lemonade (or your preferred drink), and just relax...

The future really does hold what only GOD knows. Just remember to make good choices don't hurt yourself or push yourself too hard to achieve something unless you really think it's worth it.

I prefer to be more laid back than be over worked really. Stressful jobs, I can still do, but I hate being forced to do something that won't really give me a bing for my buck. If you know what I mean that is.

Eh see there I go ranting... I warned you didn't I? You had to read my interesting words? eh... whatever. bye bye.

Boring Crap.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 2:28am

When life hands you a job. You complete the job. Not all jobs are easy to do. Like for instance the fact that I'm moving and things have to be done in order for the moving process to begin like installing wood floors. People (like my mom) get really excited, so excited that they just happen to wake up 1 in the morning and wake up other people (me) and drive out all the way to the city and for nothing. Yeah, nothing was accomplished. So here starts my sleep deprivation that my mother caused... or rather I continued because it is now 2 in the morning and I am still not asleep. Tired yes, but not asleep. So basically I have a load of stuff to do and now I'm spending my break writing or rather "blogging" (cause that's my job and hobby) to you about how crappy I feel. I have bags under my eyes that weren't there before and a little darkness starting to appear because of the lack of sleep. I've been breaking out not just because I have a lack of sleep but because aunt flow decided to show up the right time, while we're moving. I'm more tired with aunt flow hanging around but w.e. I cut my own hair and I like it. I know and I have experienced before people criticizing my hair and how it looks. But I don't give a crap about your opinion cause all I care is that I like it. So shut up and go find your life. Anyways. I can't really say anything bad or say anything bad anywhere at all because my bf is moving up in life and in religious obligations I would say and I need to keep myself and him out of trouble (and because it's not allowed for me or him). That's all I think I don't want to get into detail I really think that people who read this are sweet but people who read this are just plain old bored cause nobody really reads my blogs. really I mean who would read about a boring old person like me? HA. Bye.

Random Facts (tagged by April)

Saturday, June 19, 2010 at 11:15am

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. Hi April. I'm Claire Ann Hegna Yu. That's my full name. Claire is french, Ann is I don't even know, Hegna is Norwegian, Yu is Chinese.
2. So okay I like to eat weird combos of food. Like rice and grated cheddar cheese with a side of pickle and sabritone lime and chile chips. Yeah I know weird...
3. I have to have rice to be able to function properly as a human being.
4. I am the oldest out of 2 children in my immediate family.
5. I want to learn french.
6. My brother is currently 14. His name is Jose Alexis Hegna Yu. But we call him Joey.
7. I am scared to dye my hair because of damage. But I do want to dye my hair brown or something just cause it looks pretty.
8. I can't seem to finish things I've started.
9. I am a youtuber. I make youtube videos check me out: youtube.com/roxiemoxie102793
10. I am also a blogger.
11. Girl I love italian food too.
12. I like most foods you put in my mouth.
13. I eat like a fat person.
14. I cook dinner like every night for mi familia. <3
15. I cook pretty bomb sinigang I might add.
16. I can understand only 2 filipino dialects that would be visaya and tagalog.
17. I laugh easily
18. I like to draw
19. I think filipino food is the best. <3
20. I get bad migranes out of nowhere! :(
21. I have a weakness for badboys like my current bf.
22. His name is Noel Nicolas Francisco. <3
23. My dogs name's are Boot and Berry.
24. I'm not ocd at all... yet sometimes it seems like I am.
25. It's been almost 1 year. <3
26. sorry I know it's only suppose to be 25 but every time I tell someone about me I always have to say this. I am part Chinese, Filipino, Norwegian, and Spaniard. Very proud of it too. ;p

The Fear

Tuesday, June 15, 2010 at 10:35pm

A fear. My fear. Something that is uncontrollable. Intolerable. Indescribable. A feeling you get when you are scared of... well anything. As much as you might not like it. It can strike at any moment no one is prepared for it.

-Claire Yu

Love

Sunday, June 6, 2010 at 9:01pm

Oh yes love. Some think aww, some think ew, some think stupid. But others who have found love say it's like magic. It's almost like the greatest thing you can feel.

Others that went in love and got out horribly heart broken say it's something that you wouldn't want to try. But it's only the fact that they are afraid to getting hurt again, because of what they experience, like they can't find love again.

Love is such a mysterious thing. Some people mistaken it for lust but if you're smart enough you'll know which is which. Preferably I think that the younger you are it's hard to distinguish which is which. You want to believe it's love but in the end you find out it's lust. Your friends (especially older ones) kept telling you and now you just don't want to hear I told you so.

I think that true love can't be rushed. You just happen to trip over it and fall on your face. That's why they invented the phrase "Fall in Love".

Oh and the bloggers spark for this little note was the fact that I'm watching Sex in the City the movie right now. (Yeah I know)

The other is the fact that I'm seeing someone. Gosh thinking about him brings a smile to my face. That almost tickle-y feeling in your tummy. Yeah people say butterflies, but it's more subtle than that really. Like feathers not butterflies.

But love comes in all shapes and forms, an affection that can be shown to friends, family, dogs and cats, and hey even your hamster. Oh how could I ever forget the classical love for another? That one person that you become one with. When you're with them it feels like everything in this world is perfect. It's because they've become your world and you are no longer selfish but selfless.

I have to get back to the movie now. I hope you liked this. Oh and if you do like this note or comment, I'd like to get feedback, really I do. Thanks. Have a great day :)

-Claire

Visitors. Guests. And the Miscellaneous.

Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 2:49pm

And sometimes it's awkward, really it is. Somewhat I feel it's an invasion of privacy depending if I like the person or not. Well really I feel like it's invading personal space when people I don't like happen to find themselves in. There you go. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy a relaxing summer afternoon with little to no interruption. As is my brother who has guest over, his friends triggered me to write this blog. Not that I don't like them or anything.

Well anyways. When that unwelcome guest does something that you don't like it just adds the cherry on top. Really it does. And you constantly check the clock to see how many minutes remains or how long they've been there inside your house. But then again you have to be nice and as courteous as you possibly can, and you can think of it as killing that person with kindness. (Tyra Banks) If you catch my drift.

Oh and your beloved belongings don't you hate when they touch your things or criticize you for what you have? Oh dear it makes me want to pinch them. No not the cheeks in places where they wouldn't like to be pinched. (The crotch) Then they smirk at you for having such things lying around your house.

Well I think that covers what I've experienced.

Ugh this blog sucks arse.

Oh well.

-Claire :)